“Fake Foods: What’s Really on Your Plate?”

I’m going to cut straight to the point here—there’s a lot of food being sold to us as one thing, when in reality, it’s something different. And as someone who puts everything into making sure the food we produce is honest and as good as we can get it, this really grinds my gears. It’s not just misleading—it’s insulting. Let me walk you through some of the biggest offenders.

1. Parmesan Cheese

You pick up a tub of grated parmesan, thinking you’re getting a nice sprinkle of quality Italian cheese for your pasta. Wrong. So much of the so-called parmesan sold to us is stuffed with wood pulp. That’s right, wood pulp! (To stop it from clumping, I’m told.) It’s outrageous, right! When you buy parmesan, you expect the proper thing, not some filler that’s been snuck in to cut costs. 

2. Kobe Beef

Kobe beef. You see it on a menu, they’re charging you a fortune, so it must be top-quality, right? Don’t be fooled. Real Kobe Beef is Wagyu beef from the Tajima strain of Japanese Black cattle, raised in Japan’s Hyōgo Prefecture around Kobe city and it tastes amazing (I’m told) but it is very seldom found outside of Japan. Most of what’s labelled as “Kobe” is just regular Wagyu or, worse, some cheap cut of local beef dressed up to look fancy. So if you are offered Kobe Beef is a restaurant in Ireland, ask them where it came from? 

3. Truffle Oil

Don’t even get me started on truffle oil. It sounds luxurious, right? You think you’re adding a dash of gourmet to your food, but guess what? Most of it’s nothing but chemicals cooked up in a lab to taste like truffles. Not a single truffle has come near that bottle. It’s a complete con. If I sold something like that at the farm……..

4. Crab Meat

You fancy a bit of crab in your seafood salad? Well, make sure you’re getting it from one of our local fishermen, because if you’re buying it in a local supermarkets, more than likely, you’re getting surimi, a fish paste dyed to look like crab. When I pay for crab, I bloody well want crab, not some processed, second-rate fish pretending to be something it’s not. It’s dishonest, plain and simple.

5. Honey

I’m a sucker for real honey and the stuff we get from Brendan and sell in the shop is exceptional, but finding the real stuff on a supermarket shelf? Good luck! Many of the jars marketed as honey are full of high-fructose corn syrup and other rubbish, yet they slap on a label calling it “pure honey.” What a joke. If you’re going to buy honey, go to your local beekeeper or call into us, we’ll give you the real deal straight from Bren’s bees. Anything else is a gamble, and it shouldn’t be.

6. Olive Oil

Olive oil—something as simple as olive oil should be trustworthy, right? Wrong again. The fact is, there are not enough olives produced on the planet each year to make the amount of (so called) olive oil sold. Half the product sold as extra virgin olive oil is actually not pure olive oil at all but some olive oil mixed with cheaper oils. And onto this, they’ll still slap on the “extra virgin” label like it’s worth something. It’s a scam. You think you’re getting the good stuff, but you really are not.

7. Scallops

Here’s one that really takes the biscuit. You sit down for a posh meal in a fancy restaurant and order scallops. (True story) I got scallop shaped fish fillets cut into little circles and sold as scallops. The waiter told me that they were bought in like that, I didn’t get his name, cause I will not be going back.

8. Wasabi

If you’re a  sushi fan and frequent any of the many sushi places in Dublin that offer Wasabi, chances are, it’s not real. Real wasabi is very expensive and hard to come by. What you’re getting in most places is horseradish and mustard with a bit of green dye. 

9. Maple Syrup

I’m a fan of proper maple syrup, just a little of it goes a long way, but finding the real stuff in Ireland is like trying to find hen’s teeth. Half the time, what’s on the shelf is just flavoured corn syrup masquerading as maple syrup. Putting the word “maple” on the bottle doesn’t make it real maple syrup.

10. Fresh Orange Juice

You’d think orange juice would be one of the few honest products—just oranges, right? But no, the processors (The man from delmonte) are storing orange juice in vats for months, stripping out the flavour for other uses, and then adding back “flavour packs” (Chemicals) to make it taste fresh. What we are actually being sold is a highly processed lie and we’re paying good money for it.

The Bottom Line

It’s maddening, isn’t it? We’re being taken for fools by clever labelling or just downright dishonesty. If you want to avoid getting fleeced by these big companies, support your local farmer, food producers and reputable restaurants. On our farm, we don’t have the luxury of cutting corners and hiding behind labels. When you buy from us or from other small artisan producers, you know exactly what you’re getting—honest food, grown and made with pride. That’s the way it should be, and it’s what I expect when I’m the one handing over my hard earned cash.

So next time you’re in one of ‘those’ shops or restaurants, take a second look, read the labels, ask the hard questions, then put your money back in your pocket, cause very often, what you think you are paying for, is not what you are getting.